Then, there are those days where you wake up feeling exhausted and teary-eyed. Nothing is wrong, yet everything looks difficult. Even a smile takes a lot of effort, and you are left wondering what went wrong. The day before was amazing; I almost felt like I won. And today, that feeling seems alien. There is this ball of emotion stuck at your throat, which you need to gulp down during every interaction. You need to force the water from your tears back into the glands.
Yesterday, I dreamt that I experienced my own death. I was on some excursion in unknown lands and there was a meteorite shower. And then I died and became a ghost. The dream continued with the usual science fiction influence.
The dream, most probably, isn’t the reason. The fear of my own death is nothing compared to the fear of losing people I love. I did lose them and shall continue losing them, because life. But today it is not about that.
I wanted to talk about the choice. Between giving in to the despair and holding on. Motivating oneself isn’t just looking at the mirror and repeating a hundred times that you can do it. I think it is the hug that you give yourself, while assuring that things would be fine in future and that it is okay to feel low. That there is no need to explain or justify why you can’t smile today. It is to accept that dark days, and believe that this too shall pass. In my dream, I remember feeling scared and then it was also I who was telling myself to be brave as I faced death. I successfully comforted and consoled myself just before death.
Making the choice to embrace yourself and not the sadness, is crucial. We need to save ourselves from the outside world and sometimes from our own negative thoughts. And most importantly, we need to love ourselves like the person who loves us the most.
